Tuesday, July 18, 2006

POLL: BUSH LOSING TFM SUPPORT

This just arrived in the inbox. I expect it will be making the rounds but I hadn't seen it yet so I'm posting it in its entirety. It made me laugh but don't read it if you support Bush and you're easily offended.

WASHINGTON, May 11 - President Bush appears to be losing support among
a key group of voters who had hitherto stood firmly with the president
even as his poll numbers among other groups fell dramatically.

A new Gallup poll shows that, for the first time, Bush's approval
rating has fallen below 50% among total fucking morons, and now stands
at 44%. This represents a dramatic drop compared to a poll taken just
last December, when 62% of total fucking morons expressed support for
the president and his policies.

The current poll, conducted by phone with 1,409 total fucking morons
between May 4 and May 8, reveals that only 44% of those polled believe
the president is doing a good job, while 27% believe he is doing a
poor job and 29% don't understand the question.

The December poll, conducted by phone with 1,530 total fucking morons,
showed 62% approved of the president, 7% disapproved and 31% didn't
understand the question.

Faltering approval ratings for the president among a group once
thought to be a reliable source of loyal support gives Republicans one
more reason to be nervous about the upcoming mid-term elections.
"If we can't depend on the support of total fucking morons," says Sen.
Rick Santorum (R-PA), "then we've got a big problem. They're a key
factor in our electoral strategy, and an important part of today's
Republican coalition."

"We've taken the total fucking moron vote for granted," says Rep. Tom
Feeney (R-FL), "and now we're paying for it. We've let the Democrats
control the debate lately, and they've dragged discourse back into the
realm of complex, nuanced issues. So your average total fucking moron
turns on his TV and sees his Republican Congressman arguing about
Constitutional law or the complexities of state formation in the
Middle East, and he tunes out. He wants to hear comforting, pandering,
flattering bromides and he doesn't want to hear a logical argument
more complex than what you'd find on a bumper sticker."

For Feeney, the poll is a dire warning that Republicans can ignore
only at their peril. "This should send a signal that we have to regain
control of the debate if we want the support of our key constituencies
in the coming election and beyond. We need to bring public discourse
back into the realm of stupidity and vacuity. We should be talking
about homosexual illegal immigrants burning flags. We should be
talking about the power of pride. We should be talking about freedom
fries. These are the issues that resonate with total fucking morons."

But some total fucking morons say it's too late. Bill Snarpel of Enid,
Oklahoma is a total fucking moron who voted for Bush in both 2000 and
2004. But he says he won't be voting for Bush in 2008. "I don't like
it that he was going to sell our ports to the Arabs. If the Arabs own
the ports then that means they'll let all the Arabs in and then we'll
all be riding camels and wearing towels on our heads. I don't want my
children singing the Star Spangled Banner in Muslim."

Total fucking moron Kurt Meyer of Turlock, California also says his
once solid support for Bush has collapsed. "He invaded Iraq and all
those soldiers died, and for what? We destroyed all their WMDs, but
now their new president is making fun of us and saying he's going to
build nuclear bombs and that we can't stop him. Well, nuclear bombs
are even worse than WMDs, so what did we accomplish?"

Laura McDonald, a total fucking moron from Chandler, Arizona, says she
is disappointed that the president hasn't been a more forceful
advocate of Christian values. "This country was founded on Christian
values," she says, "but you'd never know it looking around and seeing
all the Mexicans running around. I thought Bush was going to bring
Jesus back into the government. Instead, Christians are being
persecuted worse than ever before in history, because all these
Mexicans come here and tell Christians that we have to respect their
religious beliefs. So now it's illegal for children to pray in school.
Soon it will be illegal for them to speak English."

Not all total fucking morons have turned their backs on the president.
Jeb Larkin of Topeka, Kansas says he still fully supports Bush. "He is
doing a great job. He is a great president. He is a great decider. I
have a puppy. His tail sticks straight up and you can see his butthole."

And not all Republican lawmakers are concerned about the poll. Sen.
Lamar Alexander (R-TN), for one, does not find it a cause for anxiety.
While he agrees that his party should not take total fucking morons
for granted, they "really don't have anywhere else to go. They're
never going to be able to understand someone like Al Gore or John
Kerry or anybody intelligent and articulate who wants to talk about
substantive issues. Just try having a conversation with one of them
about global warming. They'll say, 'Oh, but Rush says volcanoes
consume more ozone than humans do.' I mean, they're morons! Total
fucking morons!"

"They've got nowhere else to go," Alexander reaffirms with a smile,
"and they always vote."

[hat tip JZS]
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4 Comments:

Blogger Kathy said...

Thanks for the laugh. With conditions such as they are in our country and world today, it's a relief to still be able to laugh.

(The wingnuts haven't made that illegal yet, have they?)

12:02:00 PM  
Anonymous Libby said...

No but you can be sure they're trying... better to laugh while the laughing is still free...

1:18:00 PM  
Blogger Kvatch said...

The Nutsphere is only favor of making illegal for liberals to laugh.

5:26:00 PM  
Anonymous Libby said...

Kvatch, I think they want to make liberals illegal period.

7:13:00 PM  

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