Thursday, April 17, 2008

I Demand A Retraction!

by expatbrian

I have to take strong and public exception to a recent post by my illustrious and I thought, faithful colleague, Captain Fogg, in which he suggests that Jesus cannot reveal himself in "grease stains and burnt toast". Indeed! If God can move in mysterious ways then certainly, my good man, Jesus can reveal himself anyway and anywhere he damn well pleases. Only a fool would make such an ungodly comment in the face of all of the overwhelming evidence.

Just take a look at this Captain Hoity Toity!

"I have a spoon with the image of Jesus Christ on it," said a Mr. Davis of Kentucky. Davis says look closely and you'll see the robe, the beard and the eyes. "And he appears to be looking up" exclaims Davis.

And put this one in your pipe and smoke it, Admiral Big Mouth!

Laquan Joyner and her husband Theo Grimes say they have been praying and asking God to send them a sign.When they looked in the shower, right next to the shampoo, there it was, an image of Jesus.The family says they will never clean the spot and they now treat the shower like a shrine.

And before you go hide yourself in the head, Seaman Shame-On-You, try this on for size!

Jerry and Wendy Divock of East Windsor say the image of Jesus' face mysteriously appeared on a bedroom door roughly 10 years ago. Raised in a Jewish home, Jerry says the door has inspired him to convert to Christianity. The face appears to be a natural pattern in the grain of the wood.

Having second thoughts yet Yeoman You-Don't-Know-What-You're-Talking-About? And this!

Psychic Veronica Weary, said she first saw the image on Easter Sunday two years ago in her new age café in Mandurah and the image had remained visible ever since. "People have come to see the crystal while going through hard times and have told us afterwards that they felt energised and had lost their fear and worry about their particular difficult situation,” Mrs Weary said.

Cat got your tongue yet, Commander Cocksure? And how about a little of this!

This image miraculously appeared in the alter cloth of a Buffalo chapel. Extra people from outside the parish who heard about the image have been dropping by since it was noticed. On Tuesday morning, about 20 extra people were on hand, Slish said. “We went, ‘Oh my gosh, yes. I knew what it was right away. It’s like a vision that he’s there. I always tell everybody to behave themselves because he’s there.”

And last but not least, Petty Officer Poop-In-Your-Pants, try to explain this one away!

Greg Wolfe of Andover got a divine surprise when he was chopping up firewood last week. A gasoline log splitter cut through a piece of wood, leaving behind an image of Jesus’ face.
“You would never dream something like this is going to happen,” he said.

If that last one is not the divine face of the Son of Man, then I damn well don't know what is.

cross posted at World Gone Mad


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Blogger Capt. Fogg said...

What impresses me is that Che Guevara, Lawrence of Arabia, Oscar Wilde, Darth Vader and Abe Lincoln respectively, have the power ( or the desire ) to appear in people's bathrooms and kitchens like remodeling contractors.

As for the Quartz crystal: anyone familiar with Hinduism will recognize it as a Lingam or a manifestation of the male member of Vishnu. What further proof of the validity of Vishnu could anyone need?

As for manifestations and apparitions of men with beards - those are all me.

9:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I spend 2 hours putting together this post in an attempt to get a little chuckle out of Fogg and what do I get? A comment about an Indian's dick.

Maybe it's just me.

6:36:00 PM  
Blogger Capt. Fogg said...

Oh great - wait until Vishnu finds out you think his dick is funny. . .

7:53:00 PM  
Blogger Libby Spencer said...

LOL you two. This is funniest thread we've had in a long time here.

7:41:00 AM  
Blogger nolocontendere said...

Holy paint splatter, such apostasy from the captain, and during the pope's visit and all.

8:05:00 AM  
Blogger Capt. Fogg said...

At least the Pope appears in 3D and not as skid marks on someone's underwear. OK, so he wears a dress, but at least he has the decency and dignity to actually materialize fully - something sadly lacking in a piece of burnt toast that looks like someone's Virgin Aunt Shirley.

For what it's worth, I still think that door looks like Oscar Wilde.

10:57:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

my first impression of the red cloth picture was that of a headless, naked woman pushing out against the cloth from behind.

8:02:00 AM  

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