Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Why the Chicken Crossed the Road

I'm working today so now blogging until this evening but this just arrived in my inbox for your afternoon amusement.

GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL
Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

DON RUMSFELD
We have good information that the chicken was crossing into Syria from Iran , and, if so, that would not be particularly helpful.

HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.

MOHAMMAD SAID AL-SAHHAF (IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER, " BAGHDAD BOB")
What chicken? The only chicken of which you speak are the American military agents of Satan who are even now committing suicide in a cowardly fashion. We have no roads for such chickens to cross. The loyal fedayeen will slit the throats of all chickens who attempt to cross our roads.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This crossing of the road was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 5 tons of nerve gas on this mother of all chickens.

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
The chicken crossed the road to steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money - money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

TOM DASCHLE
We are deeply saddened that a hard working chicken would be forced by regressive Republican tax policies to seek a more equitable economic climate on the other side of the road.

TED KENNEDY
It was that self-same chicken which I swerved to avoid that resulted in the unfortunate incident in which my car, through no fault of my own, veered off that bridge. And it was my overriding concern for that chicken which diverted my attention from the woman in my submerged car, and kept my attention diverted until I had contacted my attorney some hours later. But I am happy to report that the chicken was unharmed in the incident and I was never charged with any crime as a result of that mishap.

AL GORE
They are being untruthful! By my count, there were two chickens that crossed the road.



MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's why they call it "the other side."

Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook
- and, Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?
Could you define chicken, please?

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

Addendum: Lester hates these things but it made me laugh.
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2 Comments:

Anonymous lester said...

I can't stand stuff like this

3:44:00 PM  
Anonymous romunov said...

How about Oprah?
Today, our guest is chicken that crossed the road... or did it? Find out more after the break.

3:57:00 AM  

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