Sunday, March 16, 2008

War on Easter?

By Capt. Fogg

With Easter staring at us like the face of Mary from a used paper towel, I'm surprised at the dearth of miracles in the news. Of course there's still time. Then too, I'm more surprised that the nefarious Jews, Liberals and Secular Humanists haven't opened a second front with a War on Easter. Why, if they're hell bent on removing Jesus from the solstice wouldn't they be desperate to take him out of the Equinox? Is Mithras an ACLU contributer while Ishtar is not? It's hard to understand. Of course I never have seen as many department store rabbits as Santas but eggs still roll on the White House lawn even if the heads of the many transgressors haven't - as yet.

The papers haven't reported any rust stains that look like Jesus or potato chips or grease stained lunch bags with the face of his asexual mother lately; things that so often remind us that these figures are truly part of the fabric of the universe and not human fancy. Of course there's still time, and eBay regularly provides an income to those who find any U shaped marks on anything which can be interpreted as proof of their immanence. There's a steady market for such things and for those who don't want to pay miraculous event prices, there is a mold allowing you to produce toast with Jesus, his mother or other mythological figures for your breakfast enjoyment if not compliance with Biblical commandment. A little grape jelly and you get body and blood to go with your Easter egg.

Of course for those who love to see the sacred in the ridiculous - and who doesn't? - nature herself provides an endless supply; enough to feed fatuous faith in the followers of any nonsense one might construct. Behold the mighty duck who swims the endless lake so save us all from sin.

Cross posted from Human Voices


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Blogger rockync said...

That paper towel looks more like Don King. LOL

11:21:00 AM  
Blogger Capt. Fogg said...

It's like a Rorschach test, isn't it? That's why Mary seems to appear mostly in Mary worshiping countries. Personally I think it looks like Bob Dylan.

4:30:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How can the two of you be so blind? This is so obviously Richard Simmons that I can almost smell his armpits.

5:00:00 PM  
Blogger rockync said...

BAWAWAHAHA! OK, Brian, that was good! I bow to the master!

8:46:00 PM  
Blogger Libby Spencer said...

Personally, I was impressed with the peanut. That's one cute little duck.

9:33:00 PM  
Blogger Capt. Fogg said...

I could build a religion around that peanut just as complete and just as absurd as any that now exist - and who knows? People have bought far stranger things from even less credible sources than I am.

8:52:00 AM  
Blogger Libby Spencer said...

Sign me up for Church of the Duck Peanut. He's a whole lot cuter than the Flying Spagetti Monster.

7:32:00 PM  
Blogger Capt. Fogg said...

That's easy, but the duck requires sacrifice. Cash, check or Credit card?

9:35:00 AM  
Blogger Libby Spencer said...

I believe the industry standard is 10% tithes Fogg. I'm afraid you'll need a few more converts if you expect to finance that new cathedral...

8:27:00 PM  

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