Friday, July 04, 2014

The Velocitarian Church

Some may see the Hobby Lobby decision as a mortal wound to separation of Church and State -- and rightly so in my opinion.  Others see it as an opportunity.  I notice that this morning's newspaper contains a full page spread by the Hobby guys insisting that Christianity is the only true teacher of morality and provider of law and that the founding fathers agreed.

But an opportunity for would be religious tyrants is an opportunity for all and I think it's time for me to assert my own religious freedom by filing suit with the country so that I don't have to pay that part of my taxes that supports math and science education and of course Sex education. As Justice Bader-Gisnberg suggested, every man is now his own religion. I don't want to pay taxes for schools that are integrated religiously and racially and the Bible certainly supports that vehemently. I won't pay part of my Sales taxes that support executions, of my Federal taxes that support invasions of other countries.  It's against my religion.

And what is my religion?  Well that's my business because the government doesn't get to say one is real and another isn't.  In fact as an ordained Bishop in the Universal Life Church, I can roll my own because to us, everything is sacred and holy.

Enter the Holy Assembly of Velocitarians. Our scriptures are short and simple:

Get your motor running
Head out on the highway.

We demand exemption from speed limits and most traffic laws. That's my religion - what's yours?

Labels: , ,

Bookmark and Share


Blogger Keith said...

I like smoke and lightning
Heavy metal thunder
Racin' with the wind
And the feelin' that I'm under

11:19:00 AM  
Blogger Bob Munck said...

You don't also worship velociraptors, do you?

Because they're the spawn of Satin.

(I know how it's spelled, thanks.)

4:00:00 PM  
Blogger Capt. Fogg said...

Yes, from the Gospel of Steppenwolf.

Spawn of Satin, spawn of chintz, but that's old school. We have a new Covenant with speed.

5:46:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home